Me, Me, Me

I've written about a few things so far in this blog. Mostly things that are happening around me that spark my interest. But, I certainly have been a bit slack when it has come to discussing me. So without further ado...

Life, frankly, is pretty peachy for Dan the VespaMan. Employed in an industry he enjoys, albeit one that doesn't always stir his interest as vividly as he would hope (yep I do get a bit bored and frustrated at times) he picks up a comfortably proportioned pay check each fortnight that allows him to keep a decent roof over his head, grub in his tummy, and the odd toy to keep him amused.

Socially, not an animal at all. He enjoys his privacy, a bit of a homebody and loves to venture out solo on his "excursions" into the hurly burly of Sydney. Since his move to Sydney near enough on 7 years ago, he has experienced only one bout of homesickness and frankly doesn't really understand what loneliness is.

Ah but the question continually arises, a constant curiosity in the minds of those who seem to have f*ck all else to do with their days, what of love in the world of the VespaMan. Sadly, the answer is dissappointing and the life of the bachelor is his. "Why", rings the chorus, "What are you doing about it??". The issue of love has always been a tricky beast in his world. He certainly finds the ladies of the world intriguing, and there is no doubt that he would adore the right woman, but who on earth is the right woman? He recently was told to stop being so picky, to give up hope of the RIGHT woman. He has heard many people told this "advice" and is disgusted that it would be considered valid. Why shouldn't people wait until they find the right person. Isn't singledom preferable to a loveless relationship?

Well thats enough of this third person nonsense, I may write a little more about this before long. It's strange how difficult it is writing about myself. Maybe I need to practice more.

Todays shout out goes to me. You ol' royster doyster you.

Todays shout down goes to people who say you HAVE to get married. Listen you bunch of knobheads, all in good time allright, when the time is right it will be done, not before.

"Life Adds Up", by Dan the VespaMan.

One, Two, Three,
This was all about me.
Four, Five, Six,
My blog needs pics.

Seven, Eight, Nine,
I'm doing fine.
Ten, Eleven, Twelve,
Into my life I delve.

Lord of the Manor

I am an apartment dweller. It is in an apartment that I do my dwelling.

Where people live has always been viewed as very important for good reason. Our homes are our sanctuaries, our places where we keep the things that are important to us, our territories where we are the lord and master. There were several things going through my mind when I decided to live in an apartment rather than a house (yep, the $$$ were a factor) and I must say that the longer I have been an apartmentaphile the more I have appreciated the benefits that this type of abode has over a house.

Honestly, why does anyone NEED to live in a house? Mowing grass, fixing leaking roofs, painting gutters. No thanks. Oh yes, there will be those that say apartments have no sense of community, but what's so community minded about fencing off your property and getting narkey when someone you don't know dares set foot inside the boundary. I love the fact that the people I share my building with keep to themselves. It's great to have a brief chat while in the elevator or at the mailboxes, but otherwise I would rather they didn't try to make themselves an integral part of my life. It's nice to have a choice who you want to spend your time with rather than some pain in the arse who keeps looking through their curtains to see who may be visiting your home.

Security is ofcourse an important factor in anyone's home, and apartments are usually better here as well. My building has security swipes, camera's, and being up on the third floor you would need to be spiderman to gain entrance in any non-conventional way. It is a nice feeling that I can leave my home in the morning and be confident that it will be intact on my return. Many houses here in Sydney seem to have rather vulgar bars across their windows and doors, uhm which is a pretty similar setup to a prison maybe?

Did I mention the environmental benefits of being an apartment dweller. No, I didn't because I'm not completely full of shit, but suffice it to say I may be greener than some.

Todays shout out goes to my fellow apartment dwellers. I'll see you in the lift.

Todays shout down goes to the "Australian Dream". It's a con.

"Heart Headquarters", by Dan the VespaMan.

I keep thinking
My home is a wonderful place,
It is neat and tidy
It keeps a smile on my face.

I don't need a house
A grotesque palace,
Because I've got what I need
This home is my chalice.

Spending in 2011 Makes Cents

Oh dear, this darned economic crises is starting to make our desire to create a happy world just a little more difficult, isn't it.

For an example, much discussion has been circulating for a while now with regards to paid maternity leave and the necessity for such a program. Here we are on budget eve awaiting the government to reveal all, yet snippets of information are already doing the rounds. According to the Daily Telegraph (so yes it may be total crap) a paid maternity leave scheme will be put in place, but not until 2011 which may be rather disheartening for those wishing to "have one for the country" before then.

I don't think there is much doubt that the government not doing anything radical this year or next year is a result of the economic situation. And I wonder just what this shows about us. After all, the decisions a people's government takes are usually reflective of the concerns of the people.

We seem to always have great philanthropic idea's to better the world, to give people better lives, to clean up the planet. We always carry on about how important it is with our "WE MUST ACT NOW!" determination. But as soon as things start getting tough, and real sacrifice may be required, we suddenly become a tad more selfish. I have always thought that no-one is going to give a toss about issues such as the environment if they haven't got a job which helps provide them with a reasonably decent quality of life for them and their family. Am I wrong in saying that philanthropy is a luxury that only the wealthy can afford to indulge in?

Roll on 2011.

Todays shout out goes to Bill Gates, the most philanthropic philanthropist that ever philanthropied (eeck is that even a word).

Todays shout down goes to people who use mobile phones while driving. How bloody stupid can a person be?

"He Means Well", by Dan the VespaMan.

I want to be a good man
and never harm a soul,
In fact to help the world
is a desire that is my goal.

But a man has got to eat
and have somewhere to lay his head,
Without these things
One feels a powerful dread.

Comedy in the C Key

The other day I watched a documentary about the comedic musician Tim Minchin. I had only seen snippets of Minchin's work and a few interviews in the past and hadn't to that point actually delved into his works. It was a pleasant and also rather sad experience.

There's no doubt that Tim Minchin has a magnificent grasp of what is required to make an audience laugh. His music is pleasant to the ear, well written and performed beautifully on piano. This provides a wonderful foundation to deliver the lyrical delights that would tickle the funnybone of most, if not all, people who are in possession of anything approaching a sense of humour. Yes, he dabbles in the crass subjects like most comedians of today, but he ensures that the material is always witty, clever, and slightly unpredictable. He is an immensely likeable performer on stage, with a haircut that wouldn't be out of place at a goth convention, black eyeliner to help the audience see his wonderfully timed facial expressions (clever!) and a slight confusion of his characters place in the world.

As I mentioned, this was all revealed in a documentary recently broadcast on the the ABC, and so Minchin's private life was also laid bare for us to see. And this is where things got rather emotional. During his time establishing himself as a performer, he and his wife experienced the heartbreak of a lost pregnancy. Surprisingly, the camera's still rolled on Minchin as he dealt with his grief from the UK where he was performing while his wife was in Australia. I do wonder just how he managed to get back on stage and create laughter and jollyness during a time of incredible sadness. Delightfully, the documentary ends with the couple eventually having the joy of a successful pregnancy. Very. Beautiful.

There is certainly more to the man than meets the eye and ear.

Todays shout out ofcourse goes to Tim Minchin. He makes you wish you had learnt how to play the piano.

Todays shout down goes to swine flu. Pigs arse to that I say.

"Piano Nerd", by Dan the VespaMan.

He twinkles the ivories
and sings his songs,
It's another packed crowd
amused by Tim's wrongs.

It's the hardest job
making people laugh,
But the rock 'n' roll nerd can do it
Not half !

A Happy Glutton

I think that personal vices get a lot of unjust bad press these days. Whether you like sculling a brew, lighting up a durry, scoffing a burger with the lot (beetroot yes, yes, YES!) or tripping out on something a little more obscure, I say to blazes with the nanny-no no's and giddy up on the good times.

The true meaning of life is an elusive query, one which has never been adequately cleared up. But there is one thing that I believe is a NECESSITY to lead a rich and complete life.... pleasure! Oh yes, the enjoyment of the tipple of your choice creating that wonderful warm sensation in your belly, the cigarette smoke that tastes smooth and refined immediately after a meal, the reckless devil may care of "junk" food that reminds us every time of just how good salt, sugar and fat tastes. The illicit substances that amazingly remove the boredom's, confusions, and concerns that plague the human condition albeit temporarily. This is living by choice, true independance of the individual to make their own decisions contrary to the myriad of doomsayers who mistakenly believe they have a right to convince us that these vices are hollow, destructive, and without meaning.

Why are these do-gooding, annoying people appearing on my television screen and in my newspapers? Why should they care what I do with my body and mind? If they believe these substances are so vile, then as long as they don't consume them they are doing their duty to themselves. I commend the efforts of organisations and people who make verifiable information concerning these substances freely available, but detest those that feel they must save everyone from themselves.

Myself, I don't smoke because on the three occasions I've been offered a ciggie I didn't enjoy it. Actually, I love the smell of unsmoked cigerettes (not sure if that is unusual or not). I drink very moderately, but will have a binge YES BINGE FOR THE STATS on occasion and enjoy it. The harder stuff is also a no for the same reason as the smokes. This leaves me only with unhealthy food, and there goes the neighbourhood. I love tasty food, and couldn't imagine life without it. Do you ever notice how good roasts are when it is cold and raining outside? Why are roasted potatoes so good? How on earth does eating a steak when cooked to a perfect medium (red inside but no running blood) become almost like a religious experience with each mouthful. How can stuffing one's face with slices of heaven be anything other than good for the soul?

Be gone, the preachers of the anti-enjoyment movement. Take your messages of dread, roll them up into a massive doobie and bong on, grab a bite, and have a brew. Cheers!

Todays shout out goes to "binge" drinkers. If you want to do it, do it and enjoy. Hey it's your liver.

Todays shout down goes to the alcopops tax. Gee it made all the difference, didn't it ? No better example of a government policy of "being seen to be doing something" rather than actually "doing something" currently exists.

"A Side Order of Pleasure", by Dan the VespaMan.

On the road to self destruction
We are told we must alter course,
A bland diet, no smokes, no booze
And no bloody fun ofcourse.

Yes the stuff will probably kill me
Cholesterol in the arteries has no place,
But make my serve a large one
To the end with a smile on my face.

It's a Bust for the B-List

I'm always intrigued by the extents people will go for their career, and even more intrigued by what people will do to resurrect their seemingly extinguished career. Recently, I was relieved to hear that one of the princesses of children's entertainment, Kellie Crawford, had decided that the show must go on after her career with the group "Hi5" and had shed her kit for a raunchy photo-shoot with lads mag "Ralph". Yes, dear reader, I dialled up the pictures on the internet to see what the fuss was all about. (no really, research and reference only)

Some of Kellie's comments for the "article" that accompanies the photo's were rather interesting:

"I felt people weren’t seeing me as a woman" - Phew, that fixes that problem.

"But this is actually a personal thing. It’s really for myself." - and we all make sure when we do something personal that the pictures and details are widely distributed through the newsstands, don't we dear reader?

"...I just forgot I was a woman..." - Breasts and a vagina not enough of a hint eh? Maybe they're easily overlooked as I don't have said bodyparts.

Being of the male species, I can't say that the pictures were unattractive. Like most blokes, the primitive cave man in me still stirs when I come across pictures of a scantily clad, sexy female who has a look on her face that suggests she wishes to conduct horizontal folk dancing lessons. But, before the blood drains completely from my brain, I read the article (or what was available on the website) and the illusion was shattered.

A picture may say a thousand words, but the written article's of these photo-shoots always seem to say something else entirely.

Today's shout out ofcourse goes to Kellie Crawford. It's a brave move to jump back into the circus of B-list celebrity but if you keep at it I'm sure you could be hawking skincare products on breakfast television before long. Or doing one of those bloody awful home renovation shows.

Today's shout down goes to the "Family Groups" criticizing Kellie's actions. You really don't understand how all this works do you? The best thing you can do to attract attention to the photo's is publicly condemn Kellie. By doing this you create a curiosity around the issue and MORE people will check it out. You are providing "Ralph" magazine with free publicity for something you oppose. That is negligence on your part. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

"Come hither, Mr. Cameraman", by Dan the VespaMan.

With every flash of the bulb
The illusion is born,
With every silly comment
Another man gets the horn.

It sells magazines
and saves her career,
Because the greatest fear she has
Is that she will disappear.

The Temples of Memories

About two years ago I attended a lecture by the well known author of books and television programs Alain de Botton. The lecture dealt basically with the question of architecture's role in our lives, fundamentally the question of which is more important "form" or "function".

Attached is a picture of a small building on the corner of George and Hunter Street here in Sydney. A plaque on the wall explains that it is one of Sydney's oldest buildings and was originally a hotel. There are beautiful examples throughout Sydney of the cities early years still standing, with many (perhaps most!) in outstanding condition. Fine examples are the Queen Victoria Building, The Strand, and Government House. However, I chose the modest building on George Street for it's simplicity, small size and subtlety.

I've always been a practical person, perhaps in some ways a minimalist and you will find in my apartment all objects have a purpose and function. Aesthetic form has never been a priority as I have usually considered it wasteful and difficult to maintain. But the unusual thing is I adore these old and beautiful buildings. They are impractical, costly to maintain, occasionally out of place in a modern city, and take up space where we could build something much more useful. The thing is though, as Sydney evolves into goodness knows what in the future, these structures represent beacons of history, anchor points from which the stories of our development and the people involved are tethered making it easier for us today to understand our past. They are not just brick and mortar, they store the attitude of their days and keep reminding me that "the more things change, the more they stay the same".

Many questions about our future, were answered in our past.

Todays shout out goes to the visionaries that fight for the conservation of historic buildings. They are not only visionaries, they are also futurists as they can see how important these buildings will be.

Todays shout down goes to attempts to demolish such buildings - "Historical Vandalism".

"Time Capsules, Aboveground", by Dan the VespaMan.

Built by hand
Restored with grace,
Our historic resources
Bring a smile to my face.

We strive for progress
Which is a relentless tide,
Lets give our memories
A place to reside.