Advantage Vintage

 
Trips away broaden one's experience and indeed for myself, broadening my anything is reason enough to flee SinCity.

Under cover of darkness, I propellered into the land of many berries last Friday. Making contact with Agent M who successfully identified herself using a clever double-bluff to throw off enemy agents (ie. looking like herself, waving at me as I entered the terminal, saying hello and administering a kiss and hug...... so obvious that they didn't look out for it!), we then mobilised into the night automobilically. Base station was ruther good so proclaimed a chap called Glen. My task for the weekend was to present a stunning display of knowledge shortcomings with regards to sophisticated fruit juice, cleverly disguised.

Tardyness is usually inexcusable, so it was with wonder that I entered the dining facility at our headquarters and was not pummeled with pies. Agent M, myself and the very patient pairing of agent J and agent L sat down (not in a coordinated way mind you, they had accomplished this task preceeding my arrival) to consume consumptables. I was introduced to a Ukrainian fowl who said very little but was butter for it. I occasionally peered up to make sure my face was not getting too close to the plate. Discussions were discussed regarding the next days discourse and we retired.

Agent M and I cohabitated the murder room, and I squeamed at the thought of ghostly visitations during the wee hours. Agent M made helpful suggestions along the lines of future murders if I continued to take discussions in paranormal directions and so I decided to simulate death for several hours.

After the following dawn (well after) and suitably breakfasted we made contact with the first of many local juice pimps. He conversed cordially with Agents M/J/L and politely veneered his detection of my ignorances the way one does with a helpless dunce. I delighted in tilting stemmed glasses into my face, usually when they contained an exalted beverage. I nodded when terms such as bouquet, nose, length, complexity, levels, notes, and vestibuliranariousness were bandied about. I later learnt that it had something to do with the stuff we were drinking. I grinned inanely and stroked the ever present cat. The process was repeated more than once as a repeated process frequently is. As I was in charge of turning the steering wheel in our automobiliousness transport I ensured all such grape juice that passed my lips was dissapointingly spat into a spitoon. Surprisingly, my shirt displayed no remnants of the exercise as I was expecting to look like a crazed butcher by the end of the day.

That evening we ensconsed at a local eatery... to eat. I ordered the calamari in a further attempt to disguise my ignorance of all things good. Presented before me on a plate the size of a viking shield were squidgy tubes filled with nutty niceness. I ate it, muffling my usual animalistic eating noises as we had company. To follow was a fist of honest red meat in the form of a fist of honest red meat and potatoes so wonderfully smoked I wondered if I was going to develop a habit that would need Nicola Roxon to legislate they only be sold in plain packages. I wanted to throw my eating utensils across the room and bury my face into the offering. Dessert was timed timidly and even someone like me with an underdeveloped sweet palate felt tooth decay was worth the experience.

The following day we continued the tour. I was an expert on cat stroking by then (but useless at wine comprehension) but nary a cat could be found. The tour ended at a chocolatarium where I drank iced coffee and an organic burger that tasted just as good as a real one. With the evening not too far away and many miles needing to be covered we bid farewell to Agents J/L who I believe were off to overthrow the bra canning industry and we began our journey home to the RBoO. Agent M proceeded to communicate with me primarily through the technique of singing along to her iphone which made the five and a half hour journey so much easier as it drowned out the noise of the trucks roaring alongside us.

Anyways, bottoms up !