Bread and Butter for the Bard

Below is an interpretation of how the bard may have brought my lunchtime escapades to the globe theatre. A version of CliffsNotes are included in brackets however I hope they won't be used and the reader will trust their own interpretation.

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Entrance stage right our hero. He walks up to a counter of food service.

Dan: Hark, oh angel of sustenance, an imposition on thee.
(May I place an order, please?)

Lunchlady: Fair toiler of the pasture, emit your necessity and through noble gesture I shall grant thee wish of anti-famine.
(What'll it be bud?)

Dan: Between twice leathend, the flesh of the beast noble, hence sacrificed for the betterment of man, a singular of the udder spirit intensified, and brought to completion with the devils fruit, red as anger, bursting with sweet blood when pursed between thine lips. Is it folly to dream of such, to please my wretched stomach groan?
(Meat -indeterminate, probably ham-, cheese, and tomato sandwich please.)

Lunchlady: Doth the article of which you speak is pure of soul, unsullied by friend or foe and constant as the seasons. The evilness of the brimstone beckons to purge the natural being and allow delectable vileness an entrance to its station. Weakness, is it in thee?
(Do you want it toasted?)

Dan: Nay seductress, but my heart hath catacombs of darkness that echo day and night. To resist is to deny the tides. Weakness is part of my guise and a master that beateth me mercilessly. I acquiesce.
(No thanks.....oh allright go on then)

The lunchlady turns away to prepare the meal, while our hero walks to the front-left of stage to deliver an interlude of comic relief. This would be unscripted and directed primarily towards the "groundlings", also known as "stinkards", the lowest socio-economic group in attendance. Their appreciation for uncouth and vulgar humour would have been satiated.

Lunchlady returns and hands over paper wrapped meal.

Lunchlady: Receive this, and may it's powers raise you above the savage and closer to God. Recompense is not my task, but my colleague of the coin yonder will require recuperative wishes from your purse.
(Enjoy. Please pay over at the register)

Dan: Blessed be thee.
(Ta very much.)

Our hero exits stage left. End.